Life is Not a Choice: How I Chose to Survive and Thrive
You know how when you play Mario and you have three lives, so you ‘die’ but you keep going until you’re dead dead? And then if you’re stubborn like me, you keep trying until you pass the level? That’s kind of how I approach life.
People are always amazed and in awe of how I am still functional emotionally as well as physically standing in front of them. I’m always bewildered by that. What other choice did I have? To just curl up and feel sorry for my situation while waiting for life to be done with me?
I can’t, like it is not within my wiring to do that. And it shouldn’t be in yours either.
Until my life is well and surely through like that third life in Mario where you have to start over (reincarnation, maybe?), life goes on.
My Life – Shakespearean Comedic Tragedy?
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That is not to say my life has been all dandelions and rainbows. From the outside looking, my life reads like a Shakespearean tragic that is almost comedic.
- Childhood
- Abandoned by father at age 2
- Verbally and emotionally abusive step-fathers
- Raising my brother and sister since age 12 (they were 6 and 2 at the time)
- My grandpa who was my only father figure dying tragically young at age 56 while I was 14
- Adulthood
- Getting pregnant despite protection and precautions at 18
- Marrying at 19, then divorce by 22
- Single mom(ing) it from age 22 – 27
- Getting on a motorcycle Christmas 2016 at age 26 just once and getting into a near-death accident that caused:
- Amputation of my left leg
- Coma
- Amnesia
- Severe traumatic brain injury
- 12 surgeries to correct the left leg between age 26-33
- Amputation surgery at age 33
- Secondary brain injury and subsequent Cerebrospinal Fluid Leak at age 34 that nearly killed me
I’m not in the business of trying to make my life seem perfect – far from it, obviously. But I am such a firm believer in using my experiences to help others who are going through it to feel less alone. The theme for my life is to be real and relatable because I don’t have the energy to pretend to be anything else.
It may not take me to stardom and may be ‘cringey’ to some.
To those who don’t like it, just keep on walking. Wasting your energy focusing on someone else’s life prevents you from seeing reality and bettering your own.
I digress.
How I Chose to Survive and Thrive
When you see life as a choice to be had, of course it would be easy to give up. But when you see life as an adventure or game to beat, it takes the weight off your shoulders that can cause you to break.
It was a blessing and a curse that I had the brain of a four year old for the first couple of months after my accident. A curse because it led me to believe that getting abused and neglected by my caregiver was okay because they were nice sometimes.
A blessing because the weight of my situation was not nearly as bad as it could have been when I was in the worst physical condition of my life. Sometimes my mind did go into dark places occasionally wondering why my boyfriend abandoned me in the hospital and dropped off the face of the earth or why this was happening to me.
But to think about giving up or just ending it was beyond me.
When I ‘woke up’ late February of 2017, I spiraled a bit – for like 12 hours. After having a good cry, I made a plan on how to get better physically and get out of my situation with the abusive caregiver living with me. Three months later I was back to work in a wheelchair, but independent again from toxic influence.
Overcoming adversity has been the theme of my life ever since. The pain was unbearable and debilitating nearly every second of every day with each surgery providing no relief. Until finally I decided to amputated my leg electively.
I use the word electively loosely; because, again it was not a choice in my mind. Amputation was the best decision of my life and now I can enjoy everything I used to do mostly pain free.
One could say that only through adversity can one achieve personal growth. I think they may be right. If you have the perfect life, why would you ever change it?
When life challenges force you to come face to face with the choices you’ve made or the person you are, you can choose to continue toward the path of stagnancy or even destruction or you could embrace personal growth with your mind and arms open and change for the better.
5 Steps to Do the Best You Can with What You Have
1. Accept and Adapt
Be honest about where you are right now and keep moving forward. Life is full of surprises, and being flexible helps you navigate whatever comes your way.
- Example: Stuck at a dead end job that you hate? Apply for jobs in your spare time even if that means you have to wake up an hour early or while you’re on the toilet. Figure out what you love and start doing it every chance you get. Figure out if there is any way to make it into your new job, even if you have to work full-time until it comes to fruition.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
The Greek stoic philosopher Epictetus said it best when he said “Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.” Zero in on what you can actually change—your mindset, daily habits, and how you react to stuff.
Let go of what’s beyond your control. You will feel so much freer and happier when you do.
- Example: Politics and shitty candidates have you up at night worried about the fate of the nation? Do your research, vote for who you believe in (even if it’s an actual monkey), and let the dice fall where they lie. If you really don’t like it, find a new place to live. I say that with all sincerity and not with a hint of snarkiness. I have legit considered moving abroad in the past and probably will in the future.
3. Set Small, Achievable Goals
Break things down into bite-sized goals that you can tackle one day at a time. Celebrate those little wins—they add up.
- Example: Experiencing crippling debt? Skip the morning coffee or fast food run in the middle of the day and pack your lunch instead. Make meals at home, even if they suck, and eat them. You can survive boring and bland meals of ramen or black beans with rice if it means getting the financial freedom to breathe again.
4. Practice Gratitude
Take a moment to appreciate what you’ve got every day, even the small stuff. Shifting your focus to the positive can make a big difference.
- Example: Had the most shit day ever? Can’t think of anything you’re grateful for? In the past, I have been grateful for sleep because it took me to dreams that helped escape reality if even for just a minute. Happy stuff, I know.
5. Take Daily Action
Do something every day that moves you forward, even if it’s just a baby step. Consistency is key to making real progress.
- Example: Want to work out but only have five minutes to do it? Take those five minutes. That’s still movement forward and progress. Do what you can with what you have!
Life is Not a Choice – Embrace a Mindset Shift
Life is not a choice means embracing where you are, focusing on what you can control, and taking daily steps toward your goals. Life is about choices like choosing to be adaptable, appreciating what you’ve got, and making the most out of every situation.
Sure, life can throw some serious challenges your way, but by staying flexible, setting small goals, and keeping a positive mindset, you’ll find that you’re stronger and more capable than you ever imagined.
So, keep moving forward, one step at a time, and remember—you’ve got this!
P.S. If need to talk or a shoulder to lean on, email me. I will always reply – even if it takes a hot minute because of my short term memory or ADHD. But you have someone in your corner and you’re not alone.
